Sneakers in the Age of Alternative Facts

(published in German in the TAZ, 7.11.2018)

First off let’s get to the paid portion of this article, for shoe companies will love me for saying this:

SHOES ARE IMPORTANT!
Even better:
SHOES ARE PERHAPS THE MOST IMPORTANT DETAILS OF YOUR DAY! You doubt me? You think I exaggerate in the name of earning my keep?

Just look to Istanbul. With all the recent events, namely, a man walking into an embassy to get his divorce papers and ending up in 15 pieces still mysteriously tucked away, the thing that is least mentioned is the fact that “they” might have gotten away with it had they sent around the corner for proper fitting shoes.

It’s not mentioned that often in the news, for it is, after all, a forgotten detail, but I’m here to tell you, if you didn’t already know, that Khashoggi went into the Saudi embassy and his body double walked out wearing Khashoggi’s clothes, but not his shoes. That is, Khashoggi went in wearing formal brogues, his body double went out (the back door, don’t ask me why) wearing the trend-of-the-year SNEAKERS!

Now the funny thing is, that it has been on my mind of late how even the “couture” fashion houses are appropriating each other’s ideas with a speed and fervor that is mind-boggling. Witness the sneaker, the ugly oversized sneaker trend that was ignited by (again!) Demna Gvasalia and has now been copied by every major house out there.

A few words of advice: what you wear down there (keep going, you dirty-minds, I mean the ground) is pretty darn important. The wrong decision can turn the perfect crime (for as we know 15 pieces will fit into any grab bag) into a worldwide unfathomable mess.

(Disclaimer: it’s my own speculation that if he wasn’t wearing his shoes, he certainly wasn’t wearing his underwear. No body double would feel obliged to do that, for sure. I will probably never be paid to write about underwear, so I feel pretty secure in making this assertion).